God’s will, not mine

​As I was driving home yesterday, I was doing my usual routine of listening to a Christian radio station. I like listening to Christian music to sow good seeds into my mind and also use it as a time to worship. A time to just be alone with God. I enjoy this time greatly and sometimes due to traffic I get to listen to more than normal (those days are days of trials of my patience). Before I started on my journey, I just asked God to come and be with me and talk to me. As I still struggle with news and what will happen to a special person in my life, I just need to be with God. I needed to hear Him. As my heart hurt, I needed some hope to hold onto. God did not disappoint.
The first song I heard was a strong reminder of who He is and what is possible with Him. It was another reminder of His faithfulness and it made me honestly want to shout at the top of my lungs kneeling before Him the words. The song was “Our God” by Chris Tomlin. I love this song. It is such an amazing reminder of what God promises us and can and will do for us.
Then, the exact thing I needed at that time came. The radio station (K-Love) has started airing deviotionals by Mike Donehey of Tenth Avenue North. I have kind of breezed past them before but this day I listened. The devotional was about Jesus in the garden crying blood tears asking that this cup be taken from Him. As He cried out to God and was full of anguish, He leaves us with the perfect example simply saying, “not my will but your will be done.”
God’s will be done… those words shook through me like an earthquake. How quickly I was reminded that as much as I want healing, as much as I want my way and my will to be done, it comes back to one whose ways are perfect. Only God knows the right way. Only God knows what is best. As I was reminded of Jesus’ own anguish, He still prays for God’s will knowing full well what it meant and what was about to happen. He leaves us with another example of how we should pray and live.
At the same time, He gives us another view into how He knows how we feel. He knows the hurt and pain and sorrow we feel. He knows it intimately. He knows it better than we could ever imagine because He is God and He is man.
When I think about it, I still can’t believe the gift of His love and that He would do all of that for us. I can’t believe the pain and hurt He went through.
But on this day, what I needed to hear was to stop telling God what my will is and trying to control Him instead of letting Him be God. He is the only one that knows best. His ways are good and perfect and greater than mine, my plans are imperfect and do not see what God can see.
God gave me the comfort and teaching I needed. I needed to be reminded that in the grip of pain and facing death, Jesus still asked for God’s will. In my life, in the grip of sorrow and whatever else these bodies face in this world, I need to act and respond like that. God is good and His will is perfect. He still lets me pray for the things I want, He still lets me tell Him what I think I need, but He always knows best. That is what I need to remember. No matter how many times I pray, I want to pray like Christ and humble myself before the will of God.


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