All things possible

Sorry for the delay since my last post, a lot has happened in those days. I have struggled with being busy with work that I haven’t had much time to write. I also haven’t been able to write something that has weighed heavy on me.

I tried to write for a few days, but I wasn’t able to accomplish what I wanted. My mind was elsewhere. The reason is because I received some bad news. I received news that I wasn’t expecting to hear. It wasn’t supposed to happen this way.

But it did and is…

The results came back. It was a rare form of cancer. Our hopes were that it was all taken out once the eye was removed. The doctor seemed confident but since it was so rare he had to call in the specialist. The oncologists said it was very aggressive. The very words you never want to hear. You never want to hear cancer but you definitely don’t want to hear it is aggressive. The oncologists examined and did an X-ray and saw an awful site. Her lungs we full of spots. The oncologists didn’t even bother to do a sonogram, there was no point. It most likely was already in the stomach.

This started off as a possible infection… I was not prepared for this… it was not supposed to be cancer…

Then, I was told that she has 2-3 months to live. My family and I searched for answers. Any type of radiation and chemotherapy wouldn’t help. The world had given up. There is no hope.

I am ready for our Lord to come back. With death all-around us and calamity striking everywhere, I want my Lord to end this. I pray He hurries. All over the world, families are grieving, friends are stricken with loss. As my family and I go through this hard process, fully aware of so many others doing the same, we are left with the reminders that this world can never offer or provide in a way that God does. When all seems lost, when the odds are too great, when the mountain is too tall, we have to make a choice. I am choosing to follow the what the Psalmist did. I am lifting my eyes up to the mountains for that is where my help comes from. In this valley of hurt and pain, I lift my eyes up to my Helper. My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth (Psalm 121). He watches over us. He is with us wherever we go. The Lord is with us. He has interwoven Himself in every facet of our lives. We so often try to shut Him out. We try to control this life. I remember one of my favorite sayings, “the greatest illusion the world has ever seen is the illusion of control.” I cannot tell you how much I struggle with that. I struggle with letting God be God. I forget that He has this master plan that I cannot see. I know He is doing something, but I don’t see it. I need to focus on God instead of the hurt. That is hard to do and is never easy. It is easy to write those words or say it, but I naturally gravitate more towards worry and anxiety. I pray that I would naturally trust God more, better. that I would focus on His amazing kingdom and His story.

During this pain, it took me a while before I truly asked God what is He teaching me. I don’t want this hardship to be for not. there has to be reason and purpose. Since I have done that, God has been working in me. He has been teaching me. He has opened my eyes. I still hurt. I still don’t know why this happened and probably never will. But, God has reminded me of some amazing stories and principles. He has brought me closer. I also had to do what James said to do in his book, chapter 4 verse 8, “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you…” God was always there reaching out for me, pursuing me. But I feel I needed to seek Him, seek His comfort. I wanted to show Him that I not only needed His help but was desperate for it. The word laid it out clearly, seek God and you will find Him. I had to cling to those truths.

Over these past few days, there has been a song that has reminded me that all things are possible. It has reminded me that Our God is big, strong, mighty, powerful, healer and makes all things… ALL THINGS possible. It seems when I need it the most and when I need to hear it and don’t even know, it is played on the radio. The song is “all things possible” by Mark Schultz. I know that some amount of good will come through this. I hope and pray for a miracle in my eternal hope. I believe in God and His amazing power. I trust in Him and His will even if things don’t turn out the way I hoped. The world is filled with evil. Each passing day makes me long for heaven more. I will never give up hope because God makes all things possible. Don’t ever give up. Keep persevering. keep striving. keep trusting. keep hoping. Keep on believing. Keep your eyes on God. Keep on.

I leave you with the words of the song. Thank God for this song and many more like it that reminds us of how great and big our God is.

I will call on Your name
For there’s always a way
When you lead me
And when life knocks me down
I am not counted out
For you’re with me
And you’re with me

Even when it feels like the light is fading
And I’ve lost my way
Still I’m holding on to the One who’s making
All things possible

Even when it feels like my heart is breaking
Hold on, there is strength
Knowing I belong to the One who’s making
All things possible

I know mountains can move
I’ve seen what You can do
In my weakness
So my heart will believe
If I wait I will see
My God doing, what only He can do

My God is strong and mighty
My God is faithful
My hope is in the Lord
For He is able

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